Bonding to Someone that You subconsciously hate

A man may subconsciously hate his mother, and yet still bond to a woman who has character attributes similar to his mother. Subconscious hatred means that the hatred resides in the subconscious mind, and so the person is not usually aware of it. Why does this bonding occur?  It would seem to have the least likelihood of ever happening. However, it is an issue in identity.

The man feels that his mother did not love him enough; perhaps she regularly denigrated him, by finding fault all the time. And so his identity is weak. If such a woman did love him, then his identity would change dramatically. Therefore, subconsciously such a woman can strongly attract him and give him another chance to change the past, but only if he can persuade her to love him. He finds such a woman, bonds to her, but only sees his hopes wither away. He cannot change the woman, and so his subconscious hatred of her character type remains, as does the weakness in his identity. He experiences only another failure.

If he had managed to make the woman love him, it would have had a greater beneficial impact on him than bonding to a woman whose character is complementary to his own. A complementary woman cannot change his past for him.

Copyright @2003  Ian Heath
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