The One With The Mummy Guilt
When I was pregnant I had this ideal picture of how life was going to be when my baby came along. I would be blessed with a well behaved bundle of joy that would sleep through the night almost straight away. I would be this perfect housewife who had a constantly clean house and no washing pile to speak of. I would be the perfect cook and bake lots of gorgeous treats and make gorgeous meals for my partner. I would be an amazing mum who managed to get her baby to eat lots of nutritious foods, and crawl and sit up and play nicely. I wouldnt be a mum who would let her baby watch TV. I had all these wonderful scenarios going round my head on an almost daily basis that I never gave myself a moment to think of anything else, and thats when it hits you.
When the baby comes you are not prepared for the sheer life change that this cute little being is going to inflict on you. You underestimate the level of sleep you will actually get. That a 10 minute shower can feel like a whole day in the spa. So sadly the ideal fantasies I day dreamed about were flittered away and instead my mind was plagued with guilt.
I became the housewife and stay at home mum with toys everywhere and and a house that looked lived in. I was that mum who put Baby TV on just so that she could get a five minute sit down with a hot cup of tea. I was particularly lucky with the sleeping but when he had a sleepless night boy did I feel it the next day, and still do.??I didnt bake, in fact I baked for the first time in a year last week. Home-cooked meals are not an everyday occurrence and The Ls Papa now enjoys chicken kiev and chips on a more regular basis than he use to. I have a washing pile which subsequently has its own cupboard which I can gladly shut.
I became everything I didnt want to be and Its hard to admit but I have given myself a hard time over it all. But the truth is, I have a healthy and happy little boy. Yes hes a little fussy at the moment but I think thats more down to the weather than my mothering skills. So the house looks a little lived in but its clean, and by the end of the day its always tidy. The washing pile is huge but as long as The Ls Papa has his work shirts washed and ironed and we all have something to wear then whats wrong with that? So what Baby enjoys a little TV every now and again?
The mummy guilt can really hit you hard when it comes to housework and general daily life but these babies are not small and tiny forever. Ive developed a new mummy guilt, a guilt of wishing I hadnt felt guilty for all the wrong things when Baby was small. How I wished I had cherished those newborn cuddles and morning naps more instead of spending that time thinking the washing needs doing.
So forgive yourself, let the pile of washing go untouched for a day, the vacuuming can wait and it doesnt matter if you pull something out of the freezer for your tea. Life is too short and we spend way too much time not living in the here and now. I am most definitely guilty of that.